With premature ejaculation, most men can meet at least once in their lives. Naturally, when faced with a problem, you will want to solve it. But before seeking help from a sexologist, any man has the right and can try to solve it on his own, without bothering to look for a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, urologist, consultant, sex therapist or anyone else.
And not everyone can find the right amount of money or lives far enough away from civilization, where there are specialized centers for the provision of such services.
On the other hand, maybe there is no need for him to seek help from anyone? At the beginning, a man should try to take certain measures himself to learn how to control premature ejaculation or prolong the time of sexual intercourse.
Question at a sexologist's appointmentSergey, 30 years old, Orenburg.
– My wife and I have been living for 4 years, and I can't fully satisfy her because of my premature ejaculation. At the best of times, our sexual intercourse lasted 8 minutes. And sometimes worse – 2 min.
How should I behave?
This is especially important for those who know eastern attitudes to sex.For the teachers of Tao-love, every man who is unable to wait until his partner is satisfied to the end every time still has the opportunity to improve.
Remembering such commandments, almost any healthy man can do something that will correct the situation and prolong mutual sexual intercourse to the extent that would suit him and his partner.Therefore, many of the representatives of the stronger sex are looking for answers to their questions on the Internet, someone reads specialized literature or unobtrusively consults with friends, painstakingly seeking an answer to his question: how to prolong the time of sexual intercourse.Each case of each couple contains unique (for this case) psychodynamic variations that should be taken into account by a man suffering from premature ejaculation. He is simply obliged to find the means (or several means) that will help him alleviate suffering of this kind.
The study and application in practice of tools, techniques, methods and methods do not require the participation of a specialist, but involve a certain intense individual work of a man, and often his partner. Collected from the clinical experience and consulting practice of sexologists, scientific and popular literature, these tips should help a man at the initial stage of detecting a problem in order to harmonize sexual relations.
Question at a sexologist's appointmentAnton, 28 years old, Moscow.
– I have a problem – premature ejaculation. This has never happened before – I've had several women, and everything is fine. And so I met a girl, fell in love very much, recently started living together – and I have premature ejaculation. Only with her! What to do? Need to be treated?
It's no secret that erotic fantasies for men are a significant factor in sexual arousal. All mental stimuli: smell, body beauty, hair color, voice, caresses – which come from a partner during sexual intercourse, contribute to ejaculation. However, if during sexual intercourse a man begins to think about something abstract, for example, about a football match that took place, a ceiling that was not whitewashed, a car that was not alarmed, production problems, or simply counts up to 10,000 in one direction or back, then all this slows down the arrival of irritating factors.
Due to this distraction, it is possible to reduce the sensitivity of the glans penis to sexual influence.
The first advice that psychologists give in order to prolong the time before the start of ejaculation is the recommendation of a complete sexual shutdown due to fantasizing on abstract topics during sexual intercourse.
No less, but such a distraction prolongs sexual intercourse for a considerable time, depending on the individual characteristics of a man and his ability to maintain an erection in this situation. Sometimes men, due to their imagination, localize the pressure of the penis so skillfully that they feel the irritation causing voluptuousness less, and the woman more.
This method of delayed ejaculation is known to many men, but young men who enter sexual life often miss it from their poor practice. By delaying their ejaculation, they, of course, lose a certain proportion of positive emotions that should be present during coitus. Plus, if a woman notices that "the man is far away" and, even for her sake, he broke away from his beloved in his fantasies, she will be even more disappointed than from a short but passionate intercourse.
Therefore, this advice is suitable for one-time cases, if necessary, in partnerships with the installation of "mechanical sex", during sexual therapy. In sex, partners both physically and spiritually tend to dissolve into each other, and such a distraction from the main moments of love can cause resentment, anger or bewilderment. With all that, the skillful use of psychological distraction is the most common technique that is used in partnerships.
After this time, the man can repeat the frictional movements. This process can be performed at the desired or required frequency. The secret of successful use of the braking method lies in the ability to recognize the approach of the moment when a man will no longer be able to control ejaculation. His task is to pull out the penis a few seconds before the approach of the "stage of inevitable ejaculation" (according to W. Masters and W. Johnson), or the "moment of non–return" (according to "Tao-love").Having learned to control himself in determining this important moment and gaining experience, a man will need to retreat less and less over the years, and in the end only occasionally return to such a practice of controlling ejaculation.
This method is also called the "method of locking", it is often used in the reception of "psychological construction", and by age it is most likely one of the oldest methods. Even the ancient Chinese used it in practice, and Wu Son brought it to us in his descriptions in a rather picturesque sequence of steps:
"The locking method is like trying to stop a Yellow River with your hand. An impatient man will need more than 20 days of practice to study it. A calmer person can study it much faster – usually 10 days is enough. Carefully study this method for about a month, and then the man's precious treasure (seed, jin) will be completely safe.
For example, if a man performs the stage of three small and one deep thrusts, he can close his eyes, mouth and breathe deeply, but calmly through his nose so that he will not suffocate.When he feels that he may soon lose control, he can raise his waist in one quick movement and pull out the jade peak to one inch or more and remain in this position without moving. Then he can take a deep breath with his diaphragm and at the same time pull in his lower abdomen, as if he were controlling himself while searching for the toilet. Reflecting on the importance of preserving his jin and that it should not be spent randomly, he will soon calm down with deep breathing. Then he can try thrusting again.
It is important to remember that he should retreat as soon as he gets excited. If he retreats already very excited and tries to take his jin back, then jin will not return, but instead will enter his bladder or even his kidneys. If this happens, he may suffer from some diseases, such as pain in the bladder and small intestine or enlargement and pain in the kidneys. In conclusion, it should be said that the braking method is excellent, but we should practice it as soon as we feel aroused.
It is much better to retreat too early than too late. By practicing this method, a man will be able to control his ejaculation even with comfort, because he will not allow his jade peak to even fall. This way he will save energy and feel wonderfully collected.
And he should not ejaculate his penis until he makes 5 thousand thrusts.
By combining the braking method with deep diaphragmatic breathing, he will be able to continue almost indefinitely.
Then it won't be too difficult for him to satisfy 10 women in a night."
Most researchers of sexuality agree with the idea that a man and a woman have different periods of arousal and different climax times, and most sexual partners nowadays are concerned about the synchronization of these periods (N. A. Glazkova, 1991).
The use of the power of thought for a personal attitude to prolong the time in coitus can be used as it is customary in various Tantric techniques. For example, a man may be in the "plateau" phase, just before orgasm:
1) mentally "switch off";
2) in addition, it is necessary to exclude frictions (moments of "inactivity") or slow down the pace;
3) relax the buttocks – as it is more convenient for anyone, and thereby reduce the level of sexual tension (using this method, the braking technique described above is often used).
Taking this ability of his design into service, the man pushes the ejaculation. He seems to add to the coitus a time interval that is actually equal to or even greater than the time elapsed from the beginning of sexual intercourse to the moment of shutdown.
Depending on the reaction of the woman, he repeats the procedure repeatedly during intercourse. As a result, the usual 1-2 or 3-4 minutes of coitus for a man are doubled, tripled, etc. As a result, he wins the time needed to push back the climax with discharge. Sometimes in this case, the partner's satisfaction is postponed, but the man "constructs" the sexual act in such a way as to experience an orgasm at the same time with her or later than her.
The ancient Taoists paid great attention to the construction of sexual intercourse, providing control over ejaculation.One of the options for prolonging sexual intercourse in this way for a novice man is described by Wu Son in his famous recommendations (N. A. Glazyeva, 1991):
1) I advise a beginner not to get too excited or be excessively passionate;
2) a beginner should start with a woman who is not too attractive and whose jade gates (external genitalia) are not too tight. With such a woman, it is easier for him to learn to control himself. If she's not too attractive, he won't lose his head, and if her jade gates aren't too tight, he won't get overly excited;
3) a beginner should learn to enter gently and exit with force;
4) he should first try the method of three small and one deep thrusts and perform 81 thrusts in one go;
5) if he feels that he is slightly excited, he should immediately interrupt the thrusting movements and pull out his jade stem to the level when inside the jade gate only about 1 inch or less will remain (braking method). He should wait until he calms down and then resume thrusting with the same method of three shallow and one deep;
6) then he should try the method of five shallow and one deep;
7) finally, he should try the method of nine shallow and one deep;
8) having learned to control ejaculation, he should avoid impatience.
Modern men often hope to find a partner who would reach a climax at a time coinciding with their own ejaculation.
For many women, this variant of coincidence means proof of mutual love, expressed in emotional-erotic unity. The harmonious unity of two personalities in this ratio sometimes becomes the goal of sexual communication, where their pleasure is combined with the needs and inclinations of each other.
But it is not always possible to achieve this by desire alone or by the constitutional features of the body. Those who wish to vary the time of sexual intercourse to achieve such a goal can recommend a popular technique: a man closes his eyes and concentrates on his genitals – his own or his partner's. This sharpened attention reduces the time of intimacy due to an increase in sexual arousal.
This technique is similar to an exercise on the harmonization of inter-sexual relations, which some psychologists call a "switching center". Doing it helps to develop your ability to focus on feelings that increase reciprocity. A man focuses on the point of contact between his skin and his partner's skin, on the feeling of hands touching, or on how his genitals perceive a hand touch, switching his attention back and forth between these two states. You can focus your attention both on your own genitals (for example, on the scrotum: are the testicles rising or not, is the feeling comfortable at the bottom ...), and on the partner's body areas (long hair: soft or hard?). You can focus simultaneously on your own hand and the partner's hand, on individual features, sounds, smells, which can also become the subject of concentration of attention.
For those who care about accelerated ejaculation, such a decision is most often unacceptable. These men are tasked with prolonging the time of sexual intercourse, and therefore internal concentration should be directed rather not to the genitals or points of erotic contact, but to the inner world of the partner, his experiences, worries, sorrows and worries. At the same time, the internal connection and mutual sympathy do not decrease at all. On the contrary, a woman feels care, concern, concern about her. And for a concentrated man in such a situation, erotic inhibition occurs, however, with a decrease in arousal with a weakening of the erection. Which is only on hand for them to significantly vary the duration of sexual intercourse in the presence of a stable erection.
This situation resembles the study of a new painting at an exhibition of fine art. The first glance allows you to evaluate the entire work as a whole, and the subsequent consideration is devoted to detailing: composition, plot, strokes, technique of execution, with a focus on the most successful moves, creative finds. Similarly, in this technique, everything comes with experience in about the same way as in the evaluation of paintings or classical music.
Over time and experience, a man develops his ability to focus on more and more subtle sensations and concentrate his attention on those details (character traits and hair color of the woman he loves, her experiences and the timbre of her voice, etc.) that distract him from excess excitement, prolonging sexual intercourse.
Psychological attitudes aimed at inhibiting sexuality or controlling ejaculation are quite diverse.
They depend on the characteristics of a man's character, his temperament, sexual experience and a number of other factors. Someone presents himself as Casanova, someone as Don Juan, other men compare themselves with sex symbols from among their contemporaries. These attitudes help a man to associate not only his appearance, but also his own actions with the chosen image, thereby achieving adequate behavior in sexual life.
It is known that self-suggestion can reduce emotional tension, neutralize the influence of a number of potent factors (alcohol, local irritations, etc.). Some people have used self-induced temperature changes to prevent hypothermia or overheating, if necessary, the ability to memorize and reproduce the desired material can be improved by self-suggestion.
Studies show that with the help of autosuggestion, it is possible to create artificial "self-deprivation" when external stimuli have minimal erotic effect or do not act at all on the human body. And with a certain self-induced training, you can maintain the desired level of sexual arousal.
What to suggest to himself and how to do it, the man decides on his own. For example, imagining himself as a confident sexual hero capable of doing the incredible, a man by auto-suggestion initially achieves a reduction in emotional tension. This allows him to relax and reduce the tone of striated and smooth muscles. After that, autosuggestion is performed, aimed at inhibiting arousal or controlling premature ejaculation.
By including yourself in the state between sleep and wakefulness, you can influence such physiological processes as erection and ejaculation, which are usually difficult to access to arbitrary control and regulation in the waking state.
A man for autosuggestion can repeat a certain phrase to himself over and over again: "I feel more confident every moment" or "I can do everything", "I can do it", etc. The frequently repeated installation penetrates so deeply into his subconscious that at the right moment the man executes the command automatically. It should be noted that the belief in the installation does not matter. For example, mentally convincing himself of the ability to have a long intercourse, a man may be fully aware of his tendency to premature ejaculation.However, the subconscious does not even suspect that the experience of his sexual life did not give multi-minute results, and will push him to long-term intercourse.
Such psychological practices are quite difficult for an untrained man. Months, years of training, changing ideas and views on sexuality can allow you to engage in auto-suggestion to prolong sexual intercourse. More often this technique is used in the East by people practicing Tantra or Tao-love, but a Western man can also do this practice.
It is very useful to repeat the installation "I am confident in my abilities!", "I am happy!", "I have a great erection!", "I am able to have sex for hours!". Such phrases, repeated to themselves repeatedly, allow you to give wishful thinking, but the subconscious mind will force the man to act on the proposed command.
Indications for the use of autosuggestion in people suffering from premature ejaculation, first of all, can serve as their personal characteristics, as well as the specifics of living conditions. It is for such men that it is necessary to use the reserve capabilities of the body in order to rebuild and adapt to unusual conditions (sex in a room where a small child sleeps, or parents behind a wall, etc.).
According to experts, autosuggestion has such a huge positive potential that it can be recommended to anyone. After all, with the help of autosuggestion, you can enter a variety of programs into your brain: to acquire and strengthen self-confidence, get rid of bad habits, improve your sex life.
Among young sexual partners, there is a belief that sexual intercourse with a man who loves a woman flies faster than with an impassive partner.
It is difficult for a middle-aged man to delay the onset of orgasm, often because he performs sexual intercourse when he feels a great desire in him (he has a permanent sexual partner, and his desire may arise during work or early in the morning, afternoon or night. After a long wait, warming himself up with imagination, he rushes into the arms of a woman, and ... his orgasm comes a few minutes after the love overture). It's no secret that most married men in adulthood have moments when sexual desire for a spouse temporarily disappears. And not only because of fatigue, nervous tension or a bad mood.
It's just that a man temporarily does not feel sexual attraction to his wife (partner).
At almost any age, there is a cooling of a man's attraction and desire up to their absence. For many men, this condition appears periodically during their sexual life together for a number of reasons: physical weakness or fatigue, habit of sexual partner, mood for other things or tasks, attraction to other erotic objects. The essence of the repayment method is to create a situation where the lack of a man's own desire for sexual intercourse slows down his arousal and pushes back the climax in sexual intercourse.
This does not mean at all that love has gone and it is impossible to excite a man. Fortunately, he is able to have a full sexual intercourse. Only kisses, caresses and body contact are less effective in this case, but an erection invariably occurs if a woman caresses a man's penis. Without rejecting this call, a man with a hardening of the penis and the appearance of a desire for intercourse significantly increases the ability to have a prolonged act, which is understandable. The absence of one's own desire for coitus in the presence of a stable erection changes the feeling of pleasure, because at the same time, the feeling of self-excitement weakens, which increases more slowly than usual. Weak emotional attraction to a partner is not focused on the control of ejaculation. Purely physically, a man reacts to her erotic caresses, male hands caress a woman largely mechanically. Some of the men even lose the taste of kisses, the sense of smell is dulled and all reactions are slow.
Male feelings in this case are often not transmitted to his partner, and her arousal only increases if the woman initiates intercourse and acts actively. When the penis is inserted into the vagina, a man discovers that he is able to carry out a full-fledged sexual act, now his activity is increasing, and he can maintain rhythmic frictional movements for more time than in a different situation.
In this case, the man does not think about how important it is to prove himself, and gradually comes to the usual state of arousal. And this is additional time for prolonging sexual intercourse.
At the same time, a man can easily delay the moment of orgasm, and the need to control ejaculation disappears or becomes much less than in a highly excited state. These automatic actions of a man, of course, resemble the very "mechanical" way of performing sexual intercourse, which was mentioned in the preface, but it could not be otherwise. What everyone sees on the screen in the actions of porn actors once again confirms:"mechanical" sexual intercourse is a phenomenon for a certain situation.
Therefore, this technique is aimed at men with problematic interpersonal relationships, where intercourse with different sexual partners takes place at different intervals before ejaculation. This situation is explained simply: depending on the attraction, sympathy, the current situation, the degree of attraction and the rate of arousal change, due to which there is an increase in the time of sexual intercourse.
It is quite obvious to most that partners should love each other in order to get the most pleasure in sexual communication. But when studying techniques and methods of controlling ejaculation, it is often necessary to make some efforts that may seem incompatible with moral attitudes to many.
Nevertheless, among the psychological techniques aimed at prolonging sexual intercourse, there are not the most decent, but effective for a particular person or couple. For example, the reception of indifference in a man in order to be more collected, and belittling the best aesthetic qualities of a partner with a focus on her shortcomings.
In some ways, this technique resembles the previous one, with the only difference that, unlike the repayment of desire by objective factors, a man consciously, by willpower, character or mood creates a similar situation where an indifferent and indifferent attitude towards a partner reduces erotic tension and allows more attention to be paid to control ejaculation. The same goal is pursued by a mental emphasis on its real or imaginary shortcomings. Of course, these are only words or conclusions, not spoken out loud, or presented in your erotic imagination the external features of your partner. Otherwise, the sexual act may be interrupted so abruptly that it will not have to reach its climax at all.
Meanwhile, men with a rich imagination are able to imagine a negative image of a partner during intercourse. To slow down their sexual tension, erotic fantasies can highlight a witch instead of a princess, a harmful and evil neighbor instead of a beautiful wife, etc. It is best to carry out such a technique on a case-by-case basis during the time preceding orgasm, but do not practice it regularly. Otherwise, sexual preferences will shift in the direction that you never suspected before, or there will be difficulties with achieving an erection in a familiar situation.
Psychological stimulation of a partner through compliments and gestures, gifts and offerings, whispering in the ear and gentle touches, praise and admiration for her qualities, appearance, character, behavior lead to a significant reduction in the time it takes to achieve discharge.
By influencing the cerebral cortex indirectly, it is possible to cause arousal and sexual activity of a particular partner, stimulating his numerous erotic reactions. The arousal of the primary and secondary erogenous zones directly pushes the climactic discharge. Mental representations, fantasies, erotic images that appear at these moments in a woman can lead to orgasm for some of them even without coital stimulation.
This technique comes from the opposite in relation to previous techniques: a man does not increase the time of sexual intercourse, but seeks to reduce it in a woman. When the difficulties with controlling ejaculation are insurmountable, the techniques and methods of inhibiting one's own arousal are exhausted, and it is necessary to do something, a man should increase the partner's arousal.
For example, the best means to achieve the desired result is well–known compliments, in which the main thing is sincerity, reflecting the pleasant sensations that a man experiences when being next to his partner. "Next to you, you feel like a real man!" says the partner, and these words excite the woman.
Praising her for the qualities, skills, skills that are openly manifested in her in bed: "I admire your tenderness, calmness, care," the man does not reduce her degree of tension, but switches the partner's caresses to the slow or restrained rhythm he needs. A woman does not get tired of hearing the phrase "I love you" many times and every time at the same time experiencing a feeling of increased excitement.
Of course, you need to be able to say compliments. Not every touch or gesture will cause an adequate reaction of the partner. Whispering some words in your ear, someone can slow down sexual arousal, and words of admiration can cause a stopper in a partner if they are pronounced out of place and in the wrong tone. But more on that – a little below.
In the process of sexual intercourse, to delay its climax, you can completely stop body movements. But without mutual communication or the expression of their own feelings and emotions, this inaction will sometimes simply express a refusal to continue making love. Speaking at such a moment, with groans or sighs, whispering affectionate and tender words, you can support (or, for someone, raise!) sexual arousal. At the same time, a man can slow down his own tension, which leads to discharge.
On the other hand, people react to sounds individually: some moans, screams and words excite, others consciously restrain spontaneous sounds that escape from them in moments of bliss, for some the silence of partners prevents their own sexual arousal. Information during a conversation is useful for many when "playing along" with the situation: direction to erotic zones, deviation from unpleasant sensations, etc. ("It feels good when you touch me here," "Take your hand away for a moment, please," etc.).
One of the serious problems of using this technique is the ability to use erotic language, and the other is the ability to feel what is needed at this moment of communication. Words reflecting pleasure, uttered in the language of love with erotic power and expression, can become for someone the very method of prolonging sexual intercourse, which he had previously only guessed and never used.
It is known that some people can get very excited if their partners use strong words and expressions. Others, on the contrary, such words frighten and extinguish their sexual arousal (Crooks, Baur, 2005). Therefore, for someone stylistically reduced vocabulary will be a necessary condition for sexual inhibition or sudden arousal.
For example, an intelligent man in communication with a "street girl", hearing indecent words for his circle, can relieve excitement.
And another woman, listening to the mate, in particular, may find that the use of such vocabulary significantly weakens her "built-in" prohibitions, suddenly there is a sharp excitement and the time to climax in copulation is shortened.
And the Russian language allows you to vary as you like. It is not by chance that he is called great and mighty!
If all European countries use one and a half thousand, then we can talk about love using more than fifty thousand words, if we believe only the popular dictionary of S. I. Ozhegov.
Almost any noun in the Russian language is applicable to the designation of the notorious genitals, and in a diminutive form, this form of address to them is used by the vast majority of the population of our country!Masculine words are synonymous with male genitals, and feminine words are suitable for female ones.
Most of the everyday verbs used are synonyms for the main sexual action.
Don't you believe it? Take a look in the dictionary or remember what you call genitals in an intimate setting, purring or making out with each other!
Introspection (from Latin introspecto – I look inside) is a method of psychology, which is also called introspection (it can be analytical, systematic and phenomenological). It consists in observing one's own mental processes without using any tools or standards, when the causal relationship of mental phenomena is directly reflected in consciousness.
Observing his own sexual activity, which is directly comprehended by consciousness, a man can collect material (facts, his own assessments of what is happening) to analyze his behavior to prolong sexual intercourse. In intimate practice, he can use this method in order to learn the specifics of his sexual reactions to various kinds of erotic stimuli, and ultimately imagine what to expect from the upcoming coitus. Depending on the conditions, the time for coitus, the attractiveness of the partner, the alcohol consumed, the need to protect against unwanted pregnancy, the prospects for the development of relationships, obligations for this evening and a number of other reasons, a man from his own experience assumes: fleeting sex and prolonged sexual intercourse are waiting for him.
For example, he has already met with a prostitute who has been paid the named fee and does not think about the impression he has made, knows the sequence of her manipulations, does not expect anything new and just relaxes.
Having discussed the monetary conditions of sexual contact, he can not think about the time of sexual intercourse, entrusting everything to a professional. In another case, at a corporate party, "accidentally" finding himself in a closed office away from colleagues with an employee, about whom a man has been secretly sighing for months, he is focused on lightning-fast sex, because he knows that at any moment he can be prevented. His observation of such "amorous" meetings will tell him: in this case, everything will be fast.
Introspection method is a method of obtaining data.
Observing his mental reactions in each specific case, a man presents a sequence of his own actions and expected results, which means that he can use those techniques, methods and methods of inhibiting ejaculation that he will need. There may be few or many examples of such, depending on a man's sexual experience.
If he regularly analyzes his behavior, engaging in self-observation, he can build those relationships that are comfortable for him and his sexual partner, reducing or increasing the time of sexual intercourse.