Lonely even in company? Why it happens and what to do about it

Have you ever sat with a group of friends, listening to their conversations and laughter, and suddenly caught yourself thinking that you feel lonely? It seems they are right there, but inside there is emptiness. This is confusing and even frightening. But in fact, this is normal. Loneliness is not about the number of people around you, but about the gap between the relationships you have and the ones you want. You can be in a crowd and feel lost, or you can be in solitude and be happy.

Why does this happen

We tend to think that loneliness is when you are alone. But research shows that people can feel isolated even when surrounded by others. The reasons can be various: you moved to a new city and haven't yet found "your" people, you had a falling out with friends, or you went through a breakup with a partner whose company was your main source of connection. Loneliness also often comes during times of change: graduation, moving, starting treatment, or even coming out. In such periods, old connections may weaken while new ones have not yet formed—this is when the feeling of being alone arises, even if someone is nearby.

How to enjoy time alone

The ability to be alone is a skill that can be developed. Many of us fear silence and our own thoughts because we are used to being constantly connected: social media, messaging apps, notifications. But solitude can be beneficial. Research shows that when we choose to be alone, we feel less stressed and more like ourselves. Try spending an evening without your phone and TV—just sit in silence and listen to your thoughts. If that feels unusual, start small: keep a journal, go to the movies alone (yes, it's normal!), cook a new recipe, or take a walk in the park. The key is to do it mindfully, not just "lie in bed scrolling through your feed." This way, you'll rediscover what you actually enjoy, not just what is convenient for your friends.

How to find your crew

But don't replace all social interaction with constant solitude. People need connections. They just don't happen by themselves—you have to work on them. Often we wait for someone to text first, but the initiative must come from us. Don't be afraid to text old friends just because, suggest a meeting, or join a club based on your interests. Repeated meetings with the same people—for example, in a class or a sports team—create the foundation for true friendship. And you don't have to immediately look for a best friend: at first, acquaintances are enough. Say "yes" a little more often than you're comfortable with—a bit of discomfort is normal.

If being alone is hard

Some people (for example, those with disabilities or chronic illnesses) find it harder to participate in offline meetings. But there are options: suggest alternatives—a video call instead of meeting at a café, a walk at a time that works for you, or an online event. Remember that friendship is not just about being always available. If you need to cancel plans, that doesn't make you a bad friend. The key is that it doesn't become a pattern. On the other hand, if you feel that you are putting more into relationships than you get, you have the right to reassess them. Your needs matter too.

The golden middle

Ultimately, everyone finds their own balance between socializing and solitude. For some, a couple of meetings a month is enough; for others, more is needed. That's normal. And remember: even those who seem like the life of the party have moments of loneliness. It's not your failure or a reason for shame. It's simply part of the human experience. If feelings of loneliness become too heavy, you can seek support: from a psychologist, a helpline, or a trusted person. And most importantly—the fact that you feel lonely now does not mean it will always be that way.