Sex Without Brakes: Why Men and Women Suffer Differently

Sometimes sex turns from a source of joy into an obsession. Thoughts constantly revolve around it; you catch yourself seeking new encounters or porn even when you don't want to. It would seem that the more sex, the better. But in reality, such obsession often undermines pleasure. Researchers from Iran decided to find out how this happens in men and women. Spoiler: the mechanisms turned out to be different.

The scientists surveyed 705 people (almost 82% men and 18% women) — ordinary people, not clinic patients. Each participant's level of sexual compulsivity (when sexual behavior gets out of control), quality of sexual function (for men — erection and everything related to it; for women — arousal, lubrication, orgasm), and overall sexual satisfaction were measured. Then they looked at how these indicators are related.

Here's where it gets interesting. In men, the link between compulsivity and sexual dissatisfaction was mediated by physical function. That is, a man who is sexually "overloaded" is more likely to have problems with erection and other aspects of function, which in turn lowers satisfaction. Simply put, a man who is burned out in his head often burns out physically as well.

In women, it's different. Sexual compulsivity directly impacted satisfaction without involving physical function. Women with compulsive behavior felt unhappy in sex simply because of their psychological makeup — without any physical breakdowns. The authors suggest that emotions and relationships are involved, not physiology.

Why is this important? Doctors and psychologists typically treat sexual disorders in everyone the same way — fix the function, and everything will improve. But the Iranian study suggests that men may need work on performance (so the body doesn't let them down), while women may need work on feelings and couple relationships. Of course, this is one study, and it doesn't 100% reflect the whole planet, but the first wake-up call has been heard.

What to do if you recognize yourself? If sex has become an obsession and brings more stress than joy, consider talking to a sexologist or psychotherapist. It doesn't matter whether you're a man or a woman. A specialist will help you figure out where it hurts — in the body or in the mind — and tailor an approach. In the meantime, just try to pause and listen to yourself: what do you really want from sex?